When The Rain Falls
by Youkai Of Hearts
Summary: When it rains in the middle of the night, people can’t help but remember something painful in their past which shows how much they’ve been influenced by it, Kantarou happens to be one of those people, Trying to sleep when it rains... click for summary


**Tactics:**

**When The Rain **

**Falls**

_Summary: When it rains in the middle of the night, people can't help but remember something painful in their past which shows how much they've been influenced by it, Kantarou happens to be one of those people, Trying to sleep when it rains isn't really the Scholar's strong points, Can Haruka help? HaruKan Of Course!_

_Gomen I'm no good at summeries :)_

_T or might be M have no idea_

_Of course the warning:-_

_If you don't like Angst themes and a touch of Yaoi or the pairing then turn away immediately, not my fault you came across this by accident, flame me and I'll know you haven't read this warning!! How I'll know? I'm Psychic!!_

_And Of Course The (Depressing weeps) Disclaim:-_

_I do not own Tactics, Haruka or Kantarou however I wish I did as does everyone who is a huge Tactics Fan such as myself and loves the HarukaxKantarou Pairing_

**Pitter, Patter, Pitter Patter**

'_The Rain Can Sometimes Bring Something Back Besides Little Droplets'_

The rain continued to pour around Tokyo in the night, the entire city covered in a giant black blanket as the droplets landed like pellets unto all the buildings, unto the leaves that were sitting on trees, running down mountains and into river's and lakes that surrounded the haven for the whole of Japan. It was really a depressing night for someone who didn't like the rain and just wanted to sleep their troubles of their days to the world of sleep and calm. Sadly not everyone is able to have such pleasures in the night when it rained.

Kantarou continued to toss and turn in his futon, he didn't like rainy nights like these like the few other people, it kept him up and the young man would barely get any sleep, Youko once made a comment that Kantarou would look like a complete mess in the morning but other than that, it wasn't the only problem that the young folklorist had to worry about there was another problem too, on nights like this, he would usually find himself remembering about the past that he longed to forget.

The Memories that he longed to just leave behind him like a light leaf blowing in the wind and disappearing forever never to be seen again, but in our own human nature we are not given such promises like the fragile leaves that we would see everyday of our long filled lives. Kantarou buried his head unto his pillow to keep the sound of the dreadful rain out of his head. Sadly the rain isn't something you can just turn on and turn off; only the gods had such powers and it was really their decisions to decide what the weather would be.

'_When the rain falls, it's a sign that Angels are crying for the dead that have no longed to weep, and cry for the sins that humanity have committed'_

"I wish it'd just _stop_…" he muttered sadly, his red orbs looking out into the window, seeing the rain piercing into the window, Kantarou wonders why his chest began to throb so painfully when there was no demon around, but he knew that deep down that the answer was probably flying around somewhere.

'_Don't Interfere Kantarou Ichinomiya, unless you want your beloved mother to die!' _

Kantarou closed his eyes, his hands wrapping around himself, as if to defend him self from the emotions that began to swell, all those memories from back then to the present time were just too painful for him to bear. Kantarou cringed, shivered and curled into himself, keeping the warmth, the only thing he can probably call his salvation for the time being. Kantarou's head hurt, his body aching and there seemed that there was nothing he could do to stop it.

_**Why?**_

'_Why not, he came here to see her so why not let him!!'_

All these voices from the people he cared about most and that had died right in front of his eyes, they all died because of him and his meddling, that was in the past and out of the way but for some reason Kantarou can't seem to let it go because of the continuation the rain did, the pounding getting louder and louder, his body still continued to shiver the more he heard the rain slamming unto the window, around the house where he lived.

'_I'm Happy to have met all of you'_

There were some good times and bad times, he knew that he couldn't have saved everyone but there was this feeling inside him telling him that he could've if he only acted on the human instincts that were given to him. Kantarou couldn't help but let out a small whimper.

'_Don't you care if my sister dies? Kantarou!!'_

The ones he was able to save and the ones that he couldn't, his face twisted in pain when he continued to let out small whimpers, but not too loud, he didn't really want to bother anyone with his problems, this was Kantarou's problem and his alone to deal with, it didn't have anything to do with the other people he cared so much for, the ones that the exorcist swore to protect, Kantarou's most important and most precious people.

'_I Curse You, I'll Curse You For The Rest Of My Life!! Kantarou Ichinomiya!!' _

And the ones who threatened to put him out of his measly existence, Kantarou didn't really mind he was use to it by now, so why s it affecting the exorcist now? It didn't pain him before but now all his pain just seemed to be coming out at once, Kantarou tugged his knees up to chest and continued to whimper quietly, the way that he wasn't to save all those lives, the lives he _**could've **_saved, but then he didn't and by that moment he realised just how useless and weak he was to change such fate.

_**Why can't I seem to save anyone?**_

Kantarou couldn't help but beat himself up about the fact that he was completely useless to anyone. He hated to admitted, he didn't want to admit it but…Kantarou was basically no help at all, he thought to himself, his head a bit shaken and angered by this fact. Tears were sliding down his cheek, making his pillow feel a tiny bit damp. He uncurled himself, gently laying his back out on the futon, a hand placed unto his forehead, eyes closed as he muttered to himself in a low sad voice, making sure that no one will hear his silent curse of useless-ness.

"Why can't I save anyone?"

"Don't be stupid…" Kantarou jumped when his eyes flew open, immediately in a sitting position, his eyes taking their time to focus around the dark room until it caught the figure that was sitting on his window sill, dark onyx eyes looking at him, green tinted hair dimly shone. The usual black suit which is missing its jacket, no shoes, no red ribbon. Haruka narrowed his eyes angrily at his master.

"H-Haruka!" Kantarou stuttered, quickly wiping his tears away so that the Tengu wouldn't be able to see, but it was a futile attempt made by him, he knew that Haruka saw those tears that were sliding off his smooth cool cheeks "H-How long have you been standing there?" Haruka turned his gaze to the window as he replied coldly, his eyes looking at the rain droplets coming down the windowpane.

"Around the time when you began to cry…" Kantarou's cheeks went into a bright red colour, he tugged his knees up and slowly wrapped his arms, feeling the warm blanket under his touch, it was a nice feeling. "Did I wake you?" Haruka shook his head, answering no, the rain was still coming down hard, and it really does make people depressed at this hour. "No not really, I was just heading back to my room anyway…" Kantarou looked at the Tengu for a while. His eyes filled with complete emptiness, he felt bad to have let Haruka in here to check up on him, although he doesn't really know the exact reason for why the Onkui Tengu is in here?

"I see…" Kantarou just closed his eyes then, his head a little bit light at the moment, still thinking of all the lives that died when they came across him, if he hadn't of interfered then no one would have ever had to die, he began to curse himself for feeling this way and for the fact that he was no good to anyone. Kantarou wondered what it would be like if he never existed at all, if he never came to be Kantarou Ichinomiya, the folklorist, the scholar, the exorcist, he wondered what it would be like if he never came into being, maybe he should've let that demon finished him off when he had the chance.

'_Die Ichinomiya!!'_

Kantarou shivered, snuggling his head into his knees, eyes tightly shut. Haruka couldn't help but watch Kantarou's action, for a first this actually made the Tengu wonder what was wrong with him. Why his master is acting like this and exactly what the young man was thinking.

"What's with that face huh?"

Kantarou didn't answer for a while but he took in a deep breath as he turned his face over to him, looking into Haruka's black eyes, a light sad smile pressed on his lips. "Nothing, just thinking on something" Haruka frowned, pushing himself off the window sill and strode over until he was looming over Kantarou. "Doesn't look like it's a good thought, you going to tell me?" silence reigned between them; all they could hear was the rain and the increase of noise it brought with it.

Like a bad omen…

Kantarou closed his eyes again and rested his forehead on his knees, doesn't seem that Haruka was going to get an answer from Kantarou since he's being so quite about it, meaning one thing, it isn't a good thought. Haruka sighed "Silent treatment? Isn't that my job Kantarou?" still no reply, Haruka narrowed his eyes along with an irritated sigh, placing a hand in his hair, thinking on what to do since his master was stuck in his own train of thoughts.

"I hate it when it rains" Kantarou whispered in a low voice, it sounded so empty and hollow, like he had no emotions inside him at all. Haruka growled inside his throat, he never thought that this would bother him. "It's so depressing" He slowly walked towards the door which was behind Kantarou's futon, he couldn't really bare to see the ruby eyed boy like this, he didn't know why he should care though.

"It's a shame really…"

The taller man stopped, darting his dark eyes behind him, seeing Kantarou shivering from the cold that began to emanate around the room, the icy touch caressing the young man's body, it was like Kantarou was a completely different person when it rained altogether, no cheerful smile, no bright ruby eyes, jumpy, hyperactive attitude just nothing-ness, something the complete opposite, he looked like a complete empty, emotionless shell that killed all of his feelings and for some reason this disturbed the Demon Eater.

"The rain always seems to wash people's sorrows away, but it can't wash me away…Haruka…"

What Kantarou said next completely send chills down Haruka's spine.

"If I die tonight…do you think that anyone would notice?"

"Kantarou…"

"I mean I never really interacted with anyone so I doubt anyone would ever notice…I always…I always keep my problems to myself…I never really tell anyone, not even my parents what was wrong with me, when I think about Suzu and how young she was…I can't help but think if I never came across her then maybe…then maybe she would've had a life…" Haruka couldn't help but freeze in his place. Hearing all these things just placed an unsettling feeling in his stomach.

"Kantarou stop it" he demanded, he knew that this was a painful thing that continued to swell inside his master for quite some time now, ever since he met him, Haruka had this feeling that Kantarou carried a huge weight on those little mortal shoulders he had. A human can only carry so much pain that lingered around them; Kantarou would be classified as one of them.

"And Miyabi…she could've lived if I wasn't there, when Mai told me to trade her life for her sister's, I didn't know what to do, it was obvious that the god that did reside over life and death wouldn't have taken her for Miyabi was because she had made too many sins…so I just thought what I did was the right thing to do…"

"Kantarou stop it! There was nothing you could've done!"

"Now that I even think about it, I probably was being selfish; I didn't know if Miyabi would've lived if Mai did have her life taken, I could've saved Suzu, I could've done something…I should've never existed…if I didn't then maybe…uh!" Kantarou was brought out of his stupor when he felt two strong arms encircle him and dragged the young man closer to the person who made this kind gesture, Haruka.

"Haruka?"

"There was nothing you could've done" he whispered huskily in Kantarou's ear, his arms squeezing Kantarou, he was afraid for Kantarou, he was afraid that this guy would probably disappear if he let him go. "It wasn't your fault" Kantarou draped his head over his chest as he shook his head, tears streaming from his face; he was like a broken doll.

"Don't say that, it was Haruka! It was my fault, if I…If I never came across them then they wouldn't have died, they would've lived!!"

"So what!! What Kantarou do you actually want to die!? Do you actually wish that you never existed!?"

Kantarou's body was completely trembling at this point; Haruka had to tighten his grip on him to make sure he doesn't do anything to make the Tengu let him go. "Yes I do!! Because no matter what I do, no matter who I try to save, They always seem to disappear!! There was nothing I could've done to save them!!" Silence reined once more the only thing that could be heard was Kantarou's panting breath for air after the little out burst.

"Is that how you really feel Kantarou? Do you really think that if you haven't existed…then none of those things would happen?" Kantarou nodded slowly, tears trickling down his cheeks; he couldn't keep it back anymore. All this sadness inside him, it just had to come out sometime. "Do you also regret saving me?" Kantarou froze; his eyes wide open from the question that has been asked.

"You saved me when fighting Minimoto, in fact you saved me on a couple of occasions more times than I would care to count, do you regret those occasions?" Kantarou relaxed his head unto Haruka's chest, his eyes half closed. "N-No" Haruka narrowed his eyes on the silver haired boy who was tucked caringly in his arms. "Kantarou it was _**your**_ decision to save me, it was Miyabi's decision, it was Suzu's decision"

"But I…"

"But nothing, you couldn't have known, you couldn't have done anything Kantarou…accept that and move on" Kantarou made a light chuckle "If only it was that simple" he whispered sorrowfully, his eyes lightly closed. Haruka placed his hand unto the blanket, pulling it over them as he laid both on them onto the futon. Kantarou couldn't help but blush a bit.

"Don't get the wrong idea, the only reason I'm doing this is so you don't die from depression, you do then I'll starve to death" He knew that Youko was probably going to think something of this in the morning, but he didn't really care about it at the moment, this was Kantarou that needed his help to get through a night for a change and not him.

Kantarou giggled while he snuggled his body next to Haruka's "I'd never do such a thing, when you put it like that, Haruka" he closed his eyes and through out the night Kantarou never once noticed the rain that continued to pound the window pane. When he was younger, Kantarou would always stay up because of the pounding of the cold hard rain, he thought that the whole world was coming down on him.

On this night however it was different…

Because Haruka was there to help him through it…

'_When the rain falls down on cold dreary nights_

_And a horrible memory making its way into your mind_

_There will always be someone close to you to chase it away_

_So just hold on to me and I'll promise it'll go away'_

**The End**

**Youkai Of Hearts: **Just a little fic dedicated to Haruka and Kantarou, this idea came to me when I re-watched a couple of episodes of Tactics on a cold rainy night so I decided to write a little story about how Kantarou doesn't really like the rain, the reason why I didn't know wither the story was T or M was because I was worried encase the theme would be too depressing.

But other than that I do feel compelled to write a fan fiction story which is prolonged for a while, something to get me in the writing spirit but all these ideas and then you usually get the feeling not to continue them because of some particular reason or of no motivation.

Other than that I'm only motivated to do one-shots for the moment and not getting into a longed fan fiction until a later date.

Well until next time kiddos!

**Youkai Of Heats Out! **


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